The 36 Questions to Fall in Love
Thirty-six questions that take two people from small talk to something real, in about 45 minutes. All you need is time, honesty and someone across the table.
How to do it
Set aside about 45 minutes. Find a quiet spot, and follow five simple rules.
Take turns: One person reads a question aloud and answers it first. Then the other person answers the same question.
Go in order : The three sets get more personal as you go. Skipping ahead takes away from what makes them work.
Give it time: About 15 minutes per set is a good pace. There is no rush to finish.
Be honest: A short, true answer beats a long, polished one.
Just listen: No judging, fixing or one-upping. Your job is to understand.
Callout: Works for a first date, a long-term couple or two friends.
Set 1
Getting to know you
Light, curious questions to warm up.
If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be?
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you'll say? Why?
What would a "perfect" day look like for you?
When did you last sing to yourself? And to someone else?
If you could live to 90 and keep either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you choose?
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Name three things you and I seem to have in common.
What in your life do you feel most grateful for?
If you could change anything about how you were raised, what would it be?
Take four minutes and tell me your life story in as much detail as you can.
If you could wake up tomorrow with one new quality or ability, what would it be?
Set 2
Going deeper
Memories, values and the things that shaped you.
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?
Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life so far?
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is your most painful memory?
If you knew you'd die suddenly in one year, would you change how you live? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Take turns sharing something you consider a positive trait of the other person. Name five each.
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most?
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set 3
Letting someone in
The most personal set. Take your time here.
Make three true "we" statements, like "We are both in this room feeling…"
Finish this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share…"
If we were to become close friends, what would be important for me to know?
Tell me what you like about me. Be honest, and say things you wouldn't say to someone you just met.
Share an embarrassing moment from your life.
When did you last cry in front of someone? And by yourself?
Tell me something you already like about me.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
If you died tonight without talking to anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
Your house catches fire. After saving loved ones and pets, you can grab one item. What is it, and why?
Of all the people in your family, whose death would hurt you most? Why?
Share a personal problem and ask how I would handle it. Then ask me how I think you feel about it.